There are many websites that offer advice on "Femdom" or how to "train" your male partner, each has its own merits, there is a list of some of the best on the resources page along with a list of books that are worth reading, I don't want to replicate that advice here.

However some common issues often come up in conversation with fellow Ladies. How 24/7 their relationships need to be, how real life gets in the way of the lifestyle, topping from the bottom, for example is CP a reward or punishment. I have outlined my personal thoughts on these below which you may or may not agree with.

Some purists believe that men are worthless and have no views or comments that are worthwhile and Ladies should be in a permanent strict 24/7 Mistress/slave relationship with their partners. This is not a belief I personally subscribe to, I like to have a strong man by my side with an opinion. However that's not to say that I don't know how to get my own way or will give him the last word, after all I'm in charge. In life problems come up and if I ask advice, I don't want to hear "whatever Mistress pleases" as the response. Since I've been together with my partner (some 15 years) we have had different degrees of intensity in our Dom/sub relationship, varying from me treating him as a real 24/7 Slave, bowing his head when I enter the room, not speaking unless spoken to and waiting on my every need 24/7. (I think the longest time I've kept him like this is about 7 to 8 months)

But we also have periods when I treat him more as a traditional husband, I let him think he's having his own way and sometimes let him take the lead in bed, but I know I can put on a stern voice or a lether dress and have him back into subspace whenever I please and he will be putty in my hands. Even in the more intense period of our DS relationship the everyday dross of life can get in the way, money, family, work etc and its unrealistic to expect any slave to be assertive at work and then walk through the door in the evening and immediately switch into a submissive role. When I started in the scene I felt that not being strict all the time made me less of a dom, after 15 years I now think it's quite normal - I appreciate others may disagree.

My slave is a slut when it comes to CP, so its not much of a punishment. I see a scene as being for our mutual enjoyment. If we have an interrogation or prison scene, although my slave may have requested it, I thoroughly enjoy it and see it as no more or less than him requesting to take me out to dinner. After all If I didn't enjoy it I wouldn't do it. What's in it for me if its not a real punishment (well it can be a punishment sometimes) is that I love the power exchange between us, the head space and the feeling of complete dominance and the sexual excitement it brings me. Some might say therefore I am a sadist, maybe I am , but I don't agree or feel there is anything to be ashamed of.

To sum up what I am trying to say is that the Femdom Society, with the lifestyle it promotes, is a wide church with various couples in a greater or lesser degree of living it and that's the way I like it to be. Although everybody must respect each other's way of life nobody should feel less of a dom or sub because they also sometimes live a "normal" life, or alternatively be ashamed of or condemned for enjoying or getting aroused by BDSM.

Let other more experienced people give the advice, but if I can help reassure some people that this lifestye is nothing to be ashamed of, but can be liberating, very loving and not least a lot of fun then I've achieved my goal.

Lady Sarah